Day Seven

Lorne's strategy for dealing with Sheppard's infirmity has them down to a light jog. John feels slightly humiliated by this, but he honestly can't dredge up the energy for more. "Lorne, I've been thinking," John says between pants.

Evan smirks, but doesn't shoot off the expected comeback.

"I think this would work better if we do it in the evening, rather than first thing in the morning."

"Are you saying you have morning sickness?" Evan's half joking, half aghast.

John rolls his eyes, though he considers that it might be a sympathetic effect from Shaaziya. "No. I just seem to have more energy later in the day."

Lorne gives him a funny look. "We're friends right? Outside the command structure?"

"Absolutely."

"And since we're friends, and you're worrying me, you'd tell me if there was anything... hinky going on, right?"

John takes a deep sigh. "I'm losing it. I'm going back to the way I was before, I think."

Evan's eyes widen in surprise. "No shit?"

"Yeah, no shit. It seems to be fading, I have to work harder at it, and it just about knocked me on my ass when I tried to check Shaaziya a few days ago."

"So is this a good thing?" Evan asks tentatively.

"I guess. It was useful, but here it's just freaky."

"Okay. I don't get it - kind of never really did, but okay. Maybe we should just give you a few days, to recuperate?"

"No, let's just adjust the schedule and see how that goes."

"Alright, tomorrow night, then. Get some rest, Sheppard, you look like you could use it."

The verbal admission has John considering how he feels about the situation. He decides 'conflicted' is the best description. It’s set him apart, made him into someone that a younger version of himself wouldn't have recognized, but it was also something that he'd come to accept. Life as the Quaralyn was nice sometimes, if he's honest with himself, being the center of attention. It was also gratifying to know that he was useful.

He'll just have to make sure that he becomes as indispensable as Rodney. He doesn't know how yet, but there's very little John Sheppard can't accomplish if he puts his mind to it.

~*~

John spends a couple of hours in bed trying to read reports, but then he gives up and takes a nap.

After lunch he reports to McKay, and to make up for missing the day before, stays late. Atlantis doesn't quite have the answer he's looking for yet, and so he makes the afternoon's work at least look productive, though he takes his laptop and skims the military reports from Atlantis during the lulls.

Teyla and Zelenka have spent the past eighteen months doing their best to hide and not engage with the Wraith, the Genii or anyone except Athos' most trusted trading partners, and instead have focused on the exploration of Atlantis. He quickly skims through the off-world reports, they're all variations of 'escorted trading mission. Nothing happened.' It's a stance that Reynolds hasn't modified very much, though with the Wraith engaged in a civil war, the off-world teams are beginning to poke their heads out more often, if only to gather intelligence on the war.

The two years of reports from the Science departments on their discoveries in Atlantis, and the SGC reports on the war with the Ori are far more interesting and will take more concentration, but at least he can report to Reynolds that he's accomplishing something.

At dinner, John tries to cut back on the alarming amounts of food that he's consuming. He figures that feeling hungry all the time is merely a habit he's formed on Dominat. Teyla finds him in the mess, and John eagerly agrees to a bout of sparring.

~*~

John's several years out of practice, his back is smarting where Teyla easily got through his guard, and his wrist is already bruised and swelling. He wipes the sweat out of his eyes and resumes the ready position, sticks high as they circle one another.

"I believe that you are not concentrating."

"I'm concentrating, alright." He’s trying to keep Teyla in focus, she keeps blurring as a wave of dizziness hits him. Maybe he needs to lay off the salt, too.

They're not sparring at anything like Teyla's regular lightning strike speed, and John feels humored. He advances on her in a flurry, but doesn't land a single hit.

John lands on the mat with a thud when Teyla gets in a good thwack behind his knees. "Ow."

Teyla gives him her most serene smile. "You are not injured."

"Only my pride."

"You will recover." She lends him a hand up and then takes her stance. "Again."

When John finally cries uncle a half hour later, he retreats to his room to nurse his humiliation and bruises. His sound thrashing, and the increasing weariness have him tossing and turning. After a few hours of insomnia, he takes his laptop to the mess where he's much less likely to fall asleep reading, and makes a sizable dent in the backlog of AARs.

 

Day Eight

Since he doesn't have a running appointment with Lorne, John sleeps late. He wakes up to the realization that the thrum of tingling power under his skin is almost gone. He feels empty and lonely without feedback from the people around him.

It's a depressing thought. He'd spent a lot of time railing against fate and wishing that the problem would just go away, and now that it's disappearing, John distantly wishes that he had it back.

His jeans are still too baggy, and John gives up the idea of trying to reduce the amount of food he's eating. He piles a tray with all his favorites, but half way through, it leaves him feeling nauseated, lightheaded, and the pain of his still aching wrist and back adds to his general malaise.

John elects to lie down rather than rushing to McKay's lair, and he allows the Atlantis interface to surface fully as a distraction.

He gets a nibble, and is tracking down the information when Atlantis pings him with a request for authorization on a list of Rodney's searches. Rodney's found the information many times over; a couple of the requests even date back to McKay's original tenure as CSO.

John hopes this works. He authorizes all of them wholesale, and when the log shows they're all clear, he hauls ass to the lab.

Rodney's already concentrating on the old search requests that are reappearing with the information he desperately needs to be able to stay on Atlantis.

"Whatcha doing, Rodney?" John can't help the tiny smirk as he leans in the doorway.

"It worked! It's here, schematics, details on how to charge the subspace field, lists of raw materials, and the location of the production facility." He looks up at John, and the look on his face is one of complete awe and total avarice. "It's on Dominat."

That sends a chill down John's spine. He straightens up and steps inside the lab, locking the door behind him. "Rodney," he says in a flat, warning tone.

"I know, I know! It's fantastic!"

John takes a moment to wet his lips, his mouth is dry and his heart is trying to escape into his throat. He can't believe that he’s here again, making the same inescapable choices, for good or bad. "Rodney, no. I mean you can't let them have this information yet. Give them some more breadcrumbs, until we can figure this out."

"You can't be serious! This is the single most vitally important discovery we’ve made yet! What, didn't you learn the lesson last time you wanted to suppress information?"

John goes cold. "I believe that if you recall the facts correctly, Dr. McKay, it was that delay, and the subsequent events that led to the information you have on the ZPM-Lites. If we'd excavated Makhuqat and left, Shaaziya would probably still be on Dominat, without gate access, and your daughter would probably be dead."

Rodney's face goes blank while he considers the alternate time line, the one erased when he’d agreed to keep Sheppard's dirty little secret.

John adds more gently, "I'm not saying never—I understand how important this is. I just don't trust Shen."

Rodney's mouth makes an unhappy twist. "Like you didn't trust Elizabeth or Caldwell."

"Was I completely, totally, one hundred percent wrong?"

He frowns and looks away from John "No," he says quietly.

"Rodney, trust me. This is only extending your plan of incrementally revealing your brilliance a little farther. Just give Shen enough to get her decision on your side, and then we can take all the time we need to figure the best way to handle this for everyone. Give Shen everything now? I'm afraid that you'll end up with nothing."

John waits for Rodney, he's got to see how this could affect everything: the balance of power on Atlantis, the socio-political structure on Dominat, their former home and the people that they'd come to know. Dominat would suffer the brunt of the IOA's greed. The SGC has the power to just go and take what they want, and as useful as Makhuqat had been, he was no match for the combined forces of all of the Asgard enhanced B303's at the disposal of the IOA and SGC.

Rodney takes a deep breath and rubs a hand across his forehead. "Fine. God help me, Sheppard, yes."

"Okay. I promise you, Rodney, there are ZPMs in your future... our future."

John unlocks the door and leaves Rodney to ponder the situation, and he goes to find Lorne for their afternoon workout. He could use the distraction from knowing that he's skirting perilously close to something like treason.

He barely makes it through the run, deeply winded, dizzy with exhaustion and feeling far too light in his trainers.

"Sir, in all good conscience, you really need to have this checked out. If it's true that your powers are fading, it doesn't look like they're getting replaced with anything."

"If it's not better in a day or two, I'll turn myself in." There are too many complications, including his argument with Rodney, and right now his new condition is the least of his worries.

"I'm holding you to that."

"Thanks, Lorne." Evan means well, but the timing couldn’t be worse. For the first time since his arrival on Atlantis, John's not hungry.

 

Day Nine

It's 'Sunday, a recently instituted practice that John thoroughly approves of; John hasn't even been here two weeks, and already he desperately needs a day off. He's sore and tired from Lorne's very minor workout, and the morning wooziness is worse than ever. Possibly skipping dinner wasn't the best idea he's had, but he ruthlessly pushes the nausea away; he's sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Rodney and Shaaziya are already at breakfast. Rania's standing on the chair next to Shaaziya, who's eating one-handed, with her daughter firmly clenched in the other.

John piles his tray high and snags the saltshaker before taking a deep breath and going to face Rodney. He's got a fifty-fifty chance of being completely rebuffed. Rodney hadn't appreciated being backed into a corner the first time, and John doubts that he'll like it any better the second time.

John slides in across from Rodney, who meets his eyes with a serious look and nods once. With a feeling of utter relief, he picks up Rania and puts her in his lap. She immediately steals a piece of bacon and John just smiles at her indulgently. "Thief."

She grins at him, and her small mouth is perfectly Rodney. "I like bacon."

"Yeah, me too, zahra'an." John squeezes her sides a little, just to get her to giggle.

Rodney just stares at John's tray. "Hungry, Sheppard?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." John proceeds to salt every thing on his tray without tasting it, he already knows from almost all the meals he's had on Atlantis that it’ll all taste bland and innocuous.

"What are you doing?" Rodney sounds horrified.

John looks up and studies McKay. "I'm eating, McKay." He's barely getting any reading from Rodney or Shaaziya at all. He’s figured that their devotional buzz would be the last ones to fade completely. Maybe now he can get back to being normal, but there's something niggling in the back of his mind, and he can't quite put his finger on what it is. He gives Rodney a cheeky grin to cover up his momentary lapse in attention.

"No, with the salt."

"Oh. The food's kind of plain, it needs something. Salt sounds good."

"I agree, John. The food here is terrible." Shaaziya has a dreamy expression, as if she's remembering smoky roasted meslat, crusted with yalah, or chewy khabez slathered with piquant mesla yogurt spiced with bazin. John's mouth waters with the mere idea.

"I miss it too, but you're going to give yourself a heart attack. And don't let Rania eat any of that, it'll kill her."

"Sodium as a cause of heart attacks is a fallacy, McKay," though John pulls Rania's plate within her reaching distance. "Eat your own food, sweetheart, Papa insists."

"Just don't kill yourself with sodium poisoning. Once or twice was plenty."

John gives Rodney a quick lift of his brow. "Thanks, McKay."

Rodney gives John a lopsided grin. "You're welcome."

So, they're shooting for normal; John can do normal like nobody's business. "So what're your plans for today?" He takes a bite of the scrambled eggs and considers reaching for the salt again, but decides that he can live without it, if only to avoid Rodney's lecturing.

Shaaziya give Rodney an amused smile. "I believe that we are just going to 'hang out'."

"There's a ton of movies in the lounge, but we saw the only one that's really age-appropriate, so that's out of the question. Shaaziya wants to see the mainland, so I thought we might hitch a ride over and take a picnic."

"Sounds great." John spies Teyla and waves her over.

Teyla takes the chair next to Rodney and waves at Rania. "Good morning."

"We're thinking of going to the mainland, today, would you like to go?" Rodney glances at Teyla as he drains the last of his coffee.

"That is a fine idea, Rodney. How are you feeling today, John?" Teyla's smirk is just too much.

John gives her a fake look of hostility, "I demand a rematch."

"Very well, a rematch you shall have. When is the 'jumper scheduled to leave, Rodney?"

"Rumor's in a couple of hours."

John shoots a meaningful look at Shaaziya. "Rania will want to 'fly'."

Shaaziya chuckles and Rodney glares at John, "You are completely insane."

"It's the moral equivalent of letting the kid put their hands on the steering wheel, McKay."

"There's a reason why that was outlawed."

John laughs, it's too funny. "The 'jumpers don't even have seat belts."

"I know," Rodney says mournfully.

"So what do you think, Teyla? Can we do both?"

"Yes, that would be fine. If you're finished, we can begin now." Teyla looks at John's tray; he's been methodically demolishing the mound of food. "Unless you need time to digest?"

John puts Rania back on her chair. "Nope, I'm good." He stands up carefully to avoid the head rush.

"Very well." Teyla nods at Shaaziya. "We will meet you at the 'jumper bay."

~*~

John isn't stupid; he knows that he has problems with physical exertion, but his determination to ignore and overcome the problem means pushing past the pain. He's sweating profusely, panting heavily, and the double vision is back, making Teyla a damn difficult target to hit.

She circles John. "I am most concerned. You do not appear to be improving at all; perhaps you are even worse today than at the beginning."

"No need to add insult to injury, Teyla." John does his best to advance on her, but she's just too fast, and the same sore wrist gets another painful whack. "Ow."

"Perhaps we should stop for the day." She lowers her sticks slightly and John goes for the perceived advantage and ends up tripping himself.

He goes down hard. "You might have a point there," he says as he blacks out completely.

~*~

"We meet again, Colonel Sheppard." Dr. Keller as she strolls to his bedside.

"Uh huh. It's a bad habit I'm trying to break."

"Not very successfully, I might say."

"No, not really."

"So, symptoms?"

John ruefully reels off the list, and it sounds pitiful, even to him.

"Well, let me take a few blood samples, and we'll get an IV started." She hands him the ubiquitous scrubs. "You know the drill."

~*~

John's cooling his heels, wishing he could escape for some lunch, when Rodney powers into the infirmary, Teyla trailing behind with Rania holding her hand. "I told you to lay off the salt."

"Sure, Doctor McKay. What school did that medical license come from again?"

"The school of hard knocks and hypochondria."

"No kidding."

Teyla hefts Rania up on the bed next to John and he puts his arm around her and kisses the top of her head.

"How are you feeling?" Teyla slides her hand down John's arm and then ruffles Rania's hair with a smile.

"About the same." John shrugs at Teyla's concerned look.

Rodney's his persistent self. "Seriously, what's going on?"

"I dunno. She took some blood, took a scan and here we are.” John spies Carson and nods at him. "I think we're about to find out."

"Rodney, Teyla would you mind giving us a few moments alone?" Carson's tone brooks no arguments. Rodney takes Rania with a 'you will tell me everything' look at John, and Carson sighs, "I don't know why we even pretend to have patient confidentiality."

"What's the bad news? You're looking pretty grim."

"John, if I hadn't seen the workup we did two weeks ago, based on your symptoms alone, I would say that you have Addison's disease."

"And that's bad?"

"Yes, if you actually had it. That's the thing—if it were Addison's, there's no way that you could have developed these symptoms so quickly to the point of crisis, it's a long-term chronic condition. Though the results of your blood work are all over the place; high potassium, low blood sugar, sodium and hormone deficiencies-"

John interrupts the laundry list, "Wait, that's not possible, I've been eating a ton of salt."

"Aye, you're probably craving it like mad. How's your appetite?"

"I feel like I'm constantly starving."

"That's extremely odd. How's your sex drive?"

John blushes right up to the tips of his ears. "Uhm, low gear?"

"And how does that compare against Dominat?"

"I never had any issues, if that's what you mean."

"It'll do, for now. Do you feel stressed out?"

"A little, yeah." John pauses and looks around the infirmary. No one is near by or paying him the slightest bit of attention. He leans forward and in a low voice that won't carry, "I'm losing it, Carson. The devotional buzz, the healing touch—all of it's going away. I feel disconnected and empty—too light."

Carson leans back and stares at John. "Bloody hell, John you should've said something," he replies in the same low voice.

John shrugs slightly. "I thought I was just going back to normal."

Carson shakes his head, "I'm not sure that's actually possible."

That niggling thought in the back of his minds springs forward, and he suddenly remembers Laith's warning. John takes a shaky breath and says in a normal voice, "Tell me the bottom line here, Doc."

"I don't want to treat you for something you don't have. Most of symptoms fit, except for the fact that your adrenal glands appear normal on the scans. There's no degradation of the adrenal cortex, and the ACTH levels are normal. "

"So what are we going to do?"

"First, we are going to repeat the entire workup and compare the results to the one you had when you arrived."

John sighs and falls back against his pillow, sighing dramatically.

"Second, I want you in here every day, and Dr. Keller will monitor your ACTH and Cortisol levels, aye and a Chem 20 and hormone panel. I am going back to Dominat to gather up my notes and files from the Daedalus. Should have done ages ago." John opens his mouth and Carson holds up his hand. "No, you are most emphatically not cleared for off-world travel. I don't want you having a crisis and me without medical facilities."

John huffs out a deep sigh. Dominat isn't off-world in his books; he lived there for two years. "Alright, but I'd like McKay to go with you. There's something I'd like him to check on, and I'm sure Shaaziya would like a short visit, too."

Carson stares at John, as if he can tell that there's more going on than what John's telling him. "That would be fine, I'm sure that I could use his help."

"Thanks, Carson."

"I'll have Keller release you in a few hours, but there's still some metabolic functions we need to retest. After that, don't push yourself. You're already on light duty, and there's no reason to change that."

John sighs and resigns himself to spending his day off in the infirmary, though by no means alone.

Evan comes in frowning. "Sheppard, I knew I should've made you go to the infirmary at the first sign of this problem."

"It wouldn't have made any difference. They still don't know what the problem is." John's afraid he knows what the problem is, what the solution is, but he's finally back on Atlantis and he's clinging to that with everything he has.

"Yes, but if I had, then Colonel Reynolds wouldn't have chewed me out," Evan says with a wry grin.

John winces slightly, "Sorry."

Evan waves off the apology. "It's fine, as a matter of fact, I'm leaving in the morning with Teyla's team; sort of a get-my-feet-wet mission."

"From what I've read, no one's done more than dip their toes in the pool for a long time." John briefly wonders about that, and the fact that they'd had so many problems the first year; he'd let his guilt over awakening the Wraith drive him into taking risks and leading the team into dangerous situations. Maybe it wasn't Pegasus in general, maybe it was him.

"Yeah. Though it seems to have worked." The look on Evan's face tells John that he's read all the same reports and come to a similar conclusion. John shrugs slightly; he did the best he could with what he had at the time.

Evan sees Colonel Reynolds walking into Keller's office. "Well, I guess I'd better be going. I'll catch you in a few days when we get back. Take care of yourself, Sheppard."

"Thanks, and you too. Have fun."

Evan escapes before Reynolds finishes with Dr. Keller, but John doesn't have to wait long, before Reynolds is standing next to his bed. "I hear you're having some trouble, Sheppard."

"Yes, sir. I thought I was just having trouble acclimatizing back to Atlantis."

Reynolds cocks his head and studies Sheppard for a moment. "I could accept that, except that it appears that you're the only one that's having these particular problems."

"It does seem that way, sir."

"Look, I've worked at Area 51 and the SGC for a lot of years and seen some pretty nasty things happen to people that didn't deserve it."

John's guilt over manipulating Rodney and engineering events to best serve a foreign party rises up in his throat, and he does his best to swallow it down.

"In the past, the SGC has always taken care of our own, but things are different now. The IOA has a lot of say about how things operate around here, but me—I'm old school. I want you to know that as far as I'm concerned, your actions on that planet are irrelevant. I meant it when I said we were starting from scratch."

"I appreciate that, Colonel."

"Sheppard, I just want you to know that whichever way this shakes out, I'll do my best for you." Reynolds gives John's shoulder a friendly squeeze before leaving John gasping with the horror of what he's doing, and knowing that Reynolds has to be thinking of returning him to Earth.

He's mostly recovered his balance and made a decision by the time that Teyla and Rania come back to visit for a while. They chat about inconsequential things; Teyla is doing her best to keep up a cheerful front, and for his part John's trying to match that.

When Rodney and Shaaziya show up, John does a visual sweep of the room; it's nearly empty, and Dr. Keller is in the lab next door. "Rodney, did you hear that Carson's going back to Dominat?"

"Yes, he asked me to come along; said he needed my help."

John wets his lips slightly with the tip of his tongue and then begins to speak in fast Qaroptimat; if Rodney doesn't get it, Shaaziya will, and there are few others who would be able to translate it if they should review the security tapes. "When I get out of here, we need to talk—privately."

"Okay."

They don't stay for very much longer, and John's left to wrestle with his conscience, torn between two sets of duties and loyalties, and worried by the vague intimation that they might send him to the SGC. For years he'd longed to serve with someone like Reynolds and now that he's here with that opportunity on Atlantis, he holds close the irrational optimism that he can stay here.

That he's merely delaying the 'discovery' of the ZPM information is a small comfort, against the idea that he's betraying all that is just within his grasp, and he steadfastly ignores the idea that he might not have a choice in the matter.

Keller releases him an hour later. "I don't have anything to treat, Colonel, so I'm going to let you go for the moment. No physical exertion, and tomorrow we'll do another round of tests. Be prepared to stay if it looks like you need another IV. Come back if you feel like fainting." She hands him a blister pack of meds. "Compazine for the nausea. One every six hours, and let me know if we need to up the dosage or switch medications."

"Thanks, Doc."

"I'm just sorry that there isn't any more that we can do. I hope that Carson finds something."

John doesn't want to call Rodney on the radio and bring unwanted attention to the fact that they're about to go off the security cameras. There's very little that's changed since their last discussion, but John's paranoia is in full bloom.

Rodney's lab is empty, but John finds him in their quarters. The door opens automatically when John waves his hand over the sensor chime.

"Sheppard, come on in, have a seat if you can find one." The smallest of the trunks that had come with them from Dominat is open on the floor, and they're sorting through stacks of clothing and personal items piled on the bed. John takes the desk chair and sits in it backwards, arms folded across the back.

"We'll only be gone a day or two, but women are the same across both galaxies—I think we're missing the kitchen sink, Shaaz."

John chuckles at the furious look of exasperation Shaaziya gives Rodney. "We did not leave anything behind, and I am not going to be seen begging."

"Yes, yes, fine. Whatever. Take everything. So, Sheppard, what did you want to talk about—as if I couldn't guess."

John glances around the room, before looking Rodney straight in the eye. "I think I made a mistake when I told you to withhold the information on the ZPM stuff. I don't know how to feel about this. Before, we weren't going to get rescued any time soon—if at all—and I had to make some drastic decisions with that in mind. This is different."

"You're having second thoughts, because you've been returned to the fold, into the loving arms of the military."

John grimaces at Rodney figuring out what the problem is. "If you want to put it that way."

"For what it's worth, Sheppard, I don't think you were wrong. You just reminded me that it's been a long time since I had to deal with jealous colleagues."

"I still don't trust Shen. I don't think Reynolds does, either."

"It's kind of sad. The isolation of our first year on Atlantis cut down on the usual academic backbiting, but now it's everywhere in the science department. Everyone except Carter feels like they have to justify their job to the IOA."

"I didn't realize." John hasn't spent too much time in the labs; his perspective and information's been coming from Daniel and the military.

"Don't worry about it. I'll catch up with Anbur and Zuhair and give them a heads up, so at least they understand the importance of what I’ve discovered."

John lets go of the breath he didn't even realize he'd been holding. "Okay. That's great, Rodney. Thanks." No one, not even Rodney, knew the full extent of John's culpability in the matter, and that Rodney's willing to take on Shen, the IOA and the SGC combined doesn't surprise John at all. He shifts uncomfortably, he should have confessed to them days ago. "There's some thing else. I've lost almost all of the characteristics of the Quaralyn."

Rodney sits up and pins John with a sharp look. "What do you mean?"

"The power's going away, and that's why I'm sick. I can't feel any emotions from anyone, not even Shaaziya. Every day I feel a little weaker."

Shaaziya looks horrified at the prospect and gasps, "John," in the voice that implies 'Quaralyn'.

Rodney's oddly sympathetic. "Did it start immediately? Is it related to the anti-prior device?"

John's suddenly trapped. He hasn't admitted to Rodney of his capability of manipulating Atlantis to that extent, can't warn him off the subject. Damn it! He knew this was going to bite him on the ass. "I dunno, I don't think so. It's not supposed to make them sick—just stop their power. It would have stopped all at once if it was the device that was causing this."

"Hhhm. Right." Rodney crosses him arm and frowns. "I don't know whether to tell you congratulations, or give you my condolences."

"That's where I'm at, too."

"Well, let's hope that losing them isn't as horrible as it was when you gained them."

Even though it hasn't exactly been a picnic since his return to Atlantis in that regard, compared to the shattering experiences on Dominat, it could've been a lot worse. "Yeah. That'd be great."

 

Day Ten

John's standing on the walkway above the departure level, watching the chaos below. Carson's group is scheduled to leave immediately after Teyla's team, and John has no idea how Carson’s managed to avoid having a military escort, doesn't think he wants to know.

Teyla gives John a smile, and Evan gives John a thumbs-up. John really wants to get back into the swing of taking a team off world, exploring and feeling useful. He smiles and returns the gesture before they walk through the wormhole.

When Dominat is finally dialed, and the wormhole is established, Carson quickly strides through but Rodney pauses and turns to look at John.

It's tearing John up, the feeling that Atlantis isn't exactly the same as it was before. The dark undercurrent of tension, and Shen's suspicions are marring John's expectations, and he's surprised to find that he misses Elizabeth's easy authority, and the camaraderie they'd shared.

Rodney's going home, and the fact that John's actually jealous of that is just as shocking to him.

The event horizon snaps closed, and John turns to go to Rodney's lab. His light duty assignment and basically seconded to Rodney is the perfect cover for John to hide out there. He's curious about the reports that Rodney's already given to Shen, wants to know what's been revealed.

Fortunately Rodney's well versed in playing academic games with opponents—it's all really high level stuff, theories and propositions, with the vague subtext that Atlantis is the source of the information, which leaves John slightly relieved. He can't protect Dominat from Atlantis in his current position, but he has a feeling that the closer he is to the problem the better.

Later in the afternoon, Keller only says that the test results are the same: not good. Now that he knows there's something physically wrong with him, John's definitely feeling out of sorts. Before, he could ignore the symptoms or rationalize them. The upside is, he's not tempted to balk at 'take it easy'.

With Teyla, Lorne, Rodney, Shaaziya and Rania out of the city, it's much cooler and impersonal. John spends a little time with Elizabeth and Daniel in the lab, until he's too exhausted to sit up.

Daniel makes sure that he gets to his room, and when John closes his eyes, the internal interface is there, and he just lets it wash over him, cold and impersonal data distracting him from his increasing misery.

 

Day Thirteen

Two days later the Compazine stops working, and John can barely drag himself to the infirmary. When he promptly vomits on her shoes, Dr. Keller silently hands him a set of scrubs. He puts them on and falls into a deep sleep even as the nurse is inserting an IV.

~*~

John feels absolutely wretched. He's curled up on the bed, huddled under a pile of blankets, trying unsuccessfully to nap when Carson and Rodney finally return from Dominat. He doesn't even have the energy to raise his head when Rodney sits in the chair, and ducks his head down into John's line of sight. "You look terrible."

"Thanks, I feel terrible. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure. Carson stumbled across something, and insisted we had to come back, like yesterday."

John's always been able to tell when Rodney's lying about something. Keeping a secret isn't exactly the same as a lie; it's not personal, and for all of his prickly mannerisms, it's the worry that's always written on his face. "Liar."

"Yeah. Sorry."

"Did you talk to Anbur?"

"He's here, and Neela, too. They came back with us. Shen's got them stashed in the conference room."

"Why? What's going on?" John can't help the whine that’s in his voice, he's just not up to hiding it. He hardens his voice, "Spill, McKay."

Rodney's apology is exceptionally sincere. "I'm sorry, John. They think you have to go back to Dominat, permanently. Shen isn't willing to let you go, and they're here to negotiate."

The suspicions that he's avoided confronting are born into fact. John swallows, and closes his eyes. He can't bear to see the sympathetic look on Rodney's face again. "I think I'm dying, Rodney."

"It's not going to come to that. We're doing everything we can to prevent it." Rodney tenderly lays his hand on the mound of blankets covering John. "Just... hang in there."

"I want to go home, Rodney." John knows that he could simply will himself away, it would be so easy to let go, and he's grateful that Rodney's there, anchoring him in place. He lets the darkness take Atlantis away, fading to black.

 

Further Disclaimers: SG1 characters belong to Double Secret Productions, Gekko Film Corp. and Kawoosh! Productions.

<< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >>

| East/West Index Page | dossier's story page | Site Map O'Doom | email dossier |